In the world of Customer Success, getting people to interact is key. But not all engagement is the same. We want to keep our customers informed, supported, and empowered, but some ways of getting them involved, whether we mean to or not, can seem manipulative, intrusive, or just for our own benefit from the customer's point of view.

These are called "dark engagement patterns." They are ways of doing things that put your own goals ahead of your customers' needs and damage trust over time.

Let's break down the most common dark engagement patterns that Customer Success Managers (CSMs) should avoid. We'll give examples and practical solutions to keep the relationship healthy and focused on people.

Dark Engagement Patterns:

1. The Misaligned Check-In

Customers are often busy with a lot of things, so a vague "just checking in" message doesn't feel like help; it sounds more like noise. If the outreach doesn't have a clear purpose or value, people might ignore it or even hate it.

• Pattern: Getting in touch for no reason other than to "check in"
• Why Customers Don't Like It: It seems like a waste of time and shows that the CSM doesn't have a plan based on value.
• Example: a customer gets an email that says, "Just checking in, let me know if you need anything!" The customer is busy and gets rid of it. This happens once a month.

How CSMs Can Avoid it:

• Change the outreach to focus on a specific value. Instead of a meaningless check-in, say, "I saw that you made it past the halfway point in your onboarding process. Congratulations!" I'd love to show you what successful teams do at this point. "Can we sync up for 15 minutes this week?"
• Always have a customer-focused reason to get involved.

2. The Agenda Hijack

Customers lose trust quickly when a call meant to help or support them turns into a surprise sales pitch.It shows that your needs are more important than theirs, which can hurt long-term engagement.

• Pattern: Making every customer call a hidden upsell or cross-sell pitch.
• Why Customers Hate It: They feel like they're being attacked and stop going to meetings.
• For example, a customer signs up for a product walk-through, but the session is mostly slides about premium features that they didn't ask for.

How CSMs Can Avoid it:

• Clearly divide up meetings. Set expectations ahead of time: "The goal of today's call is just to make what you already have better." If you want to learn more about new features, we can set up another session later.
• Let growth happen as a result of value, not as a trick.

3. The Theater of Vanity Metrics

It can seem like filler to share data that looks good but doesn't match what the customer really wants.Customers don't want dashboards that show how much they're using something without any context. They want insights that help them make decisions.

• Pattern: Giving customers a lot of metrics that look good but don't help them make decisions
• Why Customers Don't Like It: It sounds like noise and makes people less likely to believe you.
• For example, giving out monthly dashboards with high usage hours but not linking them to real results or goals.

How CSMs Can Avoid it:

• Change the KPIs. Make sure your reports match the customer's goals:
• "You said you wanted to improve teamwork, so I made this month's metrics about how departments use the same tools."
• Don't make the data look good; make it useful.

4. The Loop of Forced Feedback

It can seem fake and showy to ask for feedback and then not do anything with it.Even worse, customers feel unheard and less likely to share again when you push back on honest feedback.

• Pattern: Asking for feedback and then ignoring it or, even worse, arguing against it
• Why Customers Don't Like It: It seems like they're just putting on a show and not valuing their voice.
• For example, a CSM sends out a survey and gets a lot of information about an integration that isn't there. Weeks go by, and no one replies or even says anything.

How CSMs Can Avoid it:

• Close the loop. Even if you can't do anything with the feedback right away, thank the person for it and give them some context: "Thank you for pointing out the integration gap. We've shared this with our product team, and while it's not on the immediate roadmap, I'll keep you updated."
• Being open builds trust.

5. The Delay That Never Ends

Customers get angry when you tell them their problem is being "escalated" but don't give them clear updates or timeframes for when it will be fixed. When you don't take responsibility and are open about things, they may feel like you've left them when they need you the most.

• Pattern: Making big promises to act or solve a problem, then going quiet
• What Customers Don't Like: It shows that there is no sense of ownership or urgency.
• For example, a customer reports a bug that affects core functionality, and the CSM says, "I've escalated this internally," but nothing happens for weeks.

How CSMs Can Avoid it:

• Take charge and be responsible. Share updates even if the problem isn't fixed: "We haven't fixed it yet, but here's what we tried." I'll let you know every two days until this is fixed.
• The fix itself isn't as important as being able to follow through.

Final Thoughts:

Dark engagement patterns aren't always bad; they often happen when people focus on internal metrics instead of real customer success. We, as CSMs, should always ask ourselves, "Is this action meant to help the customer succeed or just to check a box on our end?"

We can turn engagements into experiences and customers into advocates by avoiding these pattern